End-of-Life Topics

If you have lost a loved one, writing in a journal can be one of the most powerful ways to cope and work toward healing. It encourages you to express and explore the myriad of emotions that accompany grief. Rather than avoiding the reality of the death and extending the grieving process, journaling encourages introspection, which is important in accepting loss and creating a sense of peace. You might not even realize what you are feeling until you sit down to write about it. There are many mental health benefits of journaling, including reducing stress and coping with anxiety or depression. Journaling provides a healthy outlet when emotions feel overwhelming, which can be common while grieving. Practicing gratitude also helps you focus on the positives in life, so writing about what you are grateful for can provide perspective when times might feel shadowed by your grief. One of the best parts about journaling is that there is no right or wrong way to do it, and you never even have to let anyone see your work. Sometimes the words will flow out of you without much thought and other times you might feel a bit stuck. Below is a list of grief journaling prompts you can use for inspiration whenever you need it. Make a list of your favorite things you did with your loved one. Make another list of what you wish you would’ve done. Explain how you are honoring the memory of your loved one in your daily life. Tell about the people you have in your support system. Pick a color that represents how you are feeling today and explain why. Write about the memories of your loved one that seem to be most heavy on your mind. Make a list of what you are grateful for today. Retell the last moments you remember being with your loved one. Write a letter to your loved one about what you have been doing to stay busy lately. Answer these questions to consider how your grief is impacting your activities: What is the hardest time of day for you and why? What is the hardest day of the week for you and why? During which daily activities do you find yourself in the densest fog of grief? During which daily activities do you find your mind wandering away from your grief? What has been your hardest day so far?

Pets have a special way of providing happiness and comfort, and many people consider them beloved members of their family. If you are facing the loss of a pet, know that it is perfectly acceptable to grieve however you need to. It will likely take time to get used to life without your animal companion. Some people might not understand the value or depth of your relationship with your pet, but there are many, many pet owners who do. Seek out support from others who can relate. Losing a pet can be especially challenging for children. They become accustomed to feeling unconditional love from what is often one of their closest friends, so the grief they experience is very real. It is important to be honest but also sensitive about the situation. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and give them plenty of time to heal before rushing to bring home a new pet. Reading a book about losing a pet will also help them understand what has happened and reassure them it is OK to be sad. For children and adults alike, it can be helpful to have some sort of service or memorial, even if that means simply gathering the family together for a few minutes so that each person can choose a photo of the pet to frame. It encourages everyone to remember all of the good times spent with their pet and feel comfort in knowing those memories will always be held close to their hearts. 

If you have lost a loved one, the holiday season can be an especially challenging time of year. While others are experiencing extra joy and excitement, your feelings of sorrow and loneliness might seem magnified. However, there are a few strategies that can help make the holidays a bit more manageable. Allow Yourself to Feel Trying to ignore or escape your feelings, even with good intentions of not wanting to put a damper on the holiday cheer, will only extend the grieving process. It is important to verbalize those feelings and talk with others about how you are doing. But there are many other forms of expression that will provide an outlet for the swelling emotions this time of year as well. Maybe you find peace when taking a quiet walk in the forest after a snowfall. Maybe writing about your favorite Christmas memories with your loved one makes you smile. Maybe attending a holiday concert with others who are in the same situation helps you feel less isolated. Find what fits for you. Take Care of Yourself We know that grief can take a huge toll on a person—mentally, emotionally, and physically—and the holidays can be taxing even without the added pain of life without your loved one. Be sure you are setting aside extra time this season to focus on your own well-being. Take more breaks and be realistic about your expectations. Participating in the festivities might help create a sense of comfort and hope, but give yourself permission to sit out from a few holiday traditions or celebrations if you feel they will be overwhelming. Find Ways to Honor Your Loved One  For some, finding ways to include the memory of a loved one in holiday activities makes the experience less sorrowful. Whether it’s listening to their favorite Christmas song or baking the kind of cookies you always made together, those reminders of your loved one might make their presence feel more tangible. You could consider starting a new tradition in their honor, giving you something new to look forward to for the years to come. Seeking out an opportunity to give back to others this time of year is also a very special way to pay tribute to your loved one.

What Is an Ethical Will Most people are familiar with a traditional will, which is a legal document explaining the distribution of an estate upon an individual’s death. An ethical will, on the other hand, communicates non-material possessions one would like to pass on, such as wisdom, apologies, advice, principles, stories from the past, and hopes for the future. Sometimes referred to as forever letters or legacy letters, ethical wills have an ancient religious history rooted in the importance of reflecting on one’s life and recording beliefs. Why Have an Ethical Will Taking a step back from materialism and pondering what is truly meaningful facilitates a sense of fulfillment and contentedness. An ethical will ensures that loved ones have a permanent record of the values you always worked to instill and that your presence is kept alive for the years to come. Writing can be cathartic for anyone struggling to work through transitional or traumatic events, so legacy writing can also be especially therapeutic for those nearing the end of life. How to Create an Ethical Will Ethical wills have no set format, so you can write it however feels natural. Many people prefer to organize their message as a letter, addressing a single note to their loved ones collectively or several separate letters individually. For some, an informal journal approach might be a less intimidating way to get thoughts and feelings documented. If you struggle to come up with the right words, consider including favorite quotes, lyrics, or Bible verses. Don’t limit yourself to writing, either; videos are also a popular option. Begin by considering what you want future generations to know about you and about the world you live in. What were some of the happiest and the most challenging times in your life? What do you know now that you wish you would’ve known sooner? What do you find to be life’s greatest gifts? Keep in mind that you can create your ethical will at any point, and you can always go back to make changes. More Interested in hearing more about the importance of ethical wills and legacy writing? Check out Scott Zucker’s TEDx Talk, “Why ethical wills are the greatest gifts of love and how to create one.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CFXLQl9aEg

If you find yourself eager to organize closets and dust crevices, you might realize it’s that time of year again: spring cleaning. But if you can’t relate to that feeling, there are plenty of books out there to give you guidance and motivation. Margareta Magnusson’s short text, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter, offers one approach related to the popular values of minimalism and tidiness. The concept of death cleaning comes from the Swedish practice of sifting through possessions and determining what to do with them next, and Magnusson particularly emphasizes passing certain objects on to those who might enjoy them. This process is intentionally done to avoid burdening family or friends with such an overwhelming task after one passes away, although the method is equally beneficial in reducing excess belongings for any particular reason. While an orderly home is certainly a main focus, Magnusson also notes how the process can help one feel more comfortable with the idea of dying.  Swedish death cleaning, or any form of decluttering, might be worth considering if you are on the quest for more joy and less stress. Eliminating the frustration of mess and the burden of too much stuff might allow you to focus more on things like gratitude and living in the moment. Besides those organized closets and dusted crevices, spring cleaning might just lead you to a more peaceful life. ‍ Magnusson, Margareta. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter. Scribbner, 2018.

Those who have faced a highly stressful time in their lives, such as major surgery, the birth of a baby, or a transition to a new home, know just how helpful and comforting it is to have someone else take care of the cooking. These meals, often referred to as sympathy meals, are also commonly associated with funerals. When someone you know experiences the death of a close loved one, providing home-cooked food is a great way to support them in their time of need. This small action can be a heartwarming blessing to those who are grieving. Here are a few things to consider before you start cooking.  Communication Let someone in the family know you will be bringing a meal and offer them a couple of dates to choose between. Because food allergies are common, send a little menu that includes a few different options so they can choose what they would prefer. Quantity Additional relatives or visitors might be present for the meal, so be sure to provide extra. If you are making a meal that is to be eaten at the time of delivery, you could double the recipe and make the second one freezer-friendly. This is a great way to provide more support later on when life might still feel a bit overwhelming for the family. Presentation You might want to consider how you personally would serve the dish and what else might be needed. Adding salad, dinner rolls, dessert, or even a beverage ensures that the family meal is completely taken care of. Use a disposable dish with baking instructions written on it. Throw in paper products, too, because the last thing they will feel like doing is washing dishes. Many people like to include a couple of inexpensive toys for children or a few basic grocery items such as fruit and eggs. These are added extras that might make life just a little bit easier for those dealing with a recent loss. Delivery Most likely, the best way to drop off your meal is to let them know when you plan to leave it at the door. However, depending on the person, you should also be prepared to stay and chat if they are wanting to spend time with a friend. Not a cook? Can’t squeeze in the time? Want to be different? While a home-cooked meal might be most people’s first thought, there are other ways to provide a bit of cooking relief to those who are going through a difficult time. Including a gift card to a local restaurant that delivers or offers carryout is a great option, particularly if you suspect the family might already be receiving several casseroles in the next few days. There are also many online meal services that can be ordered and have delivered to the family.

A common assumption is that an obituary is merely a death notice. While that might be the case for newspaper submissions, funeral homes generally include full obituaries on their websites and on memorial folders for no additional cost. Therefore, writing an obituary is also a precious chance to express a loved one’s legacy and share parts of their life story from the very beginning to the very end. If you are looking to create a well-written, meaningful obituary, here are a few pieces of advice that will help guide you through the process. Consider Organization Jumping around with facts and descriptions makes it too hard for the reader to follow. Chronological order is almost always going to be your best option for arranging events and accomplishments. You might also want to follow up the timeline approach with a paragraph that emphasizes the nature of this person’s character and what they will be remembered for.  Use Personal Details and Examples Individuality can be achieved in an obituary by offering specific details rather than a generic overview. Don’t simply list where your loved one lived and worked over the course of their life. Consider what made this person unique. Give an example or offer a quick anecdote to help illustrate descriptions. Know That It’s OK to Be Funny Or reserved. Or sarcastic. Or boastful. Or whatever you feel would be fitting for your loved one. The tone and style of the obituary should match the personality of its leading subject. Have Someone Else Proofread It Reading and rereading your work is great, but you will also want someone else’s input. You might even want two people to help you out, such as someone else who was close to the one who passed and someone who is more removed from the situation. Besides catching things like minor punctuation and spelling errors, ask them for their overall impressions, too. The funeral provider you are working with can also help ensure the obituary is as good as it can be before you submit it for publication. Keep Perspective Writing an obituary is no simple feat. Feeling like you’ve done your best to pay tribute to a loved one is the main goal. Overall, if you are given the important opportunity of writing an obituary for someone you knew and loved, try to remember the essential focus: an obituary is actually about life.

Honoring A Loved One Who Has Passed